She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
