you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
