so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
