Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
