You made me cry and you don't even care
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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