I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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