It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
