There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
