Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
