i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
