i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
