I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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