In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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