Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
