im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
