I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
