Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
