but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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