I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize