You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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