I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
