if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
