worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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