just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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