he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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