we're blogging at a bar
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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