My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
