Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
