I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You left your phone here
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