I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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