Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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