i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
