Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
