I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
