I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
