I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
