just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize