I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
