I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your cock deserves a montage
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize