I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
