Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
