I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Enjoy the penises
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
