After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
