dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
