My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
