I should be sponsored by Trojan
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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