Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
