i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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