So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
