maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
