fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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