Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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