i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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