Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
