Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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