How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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