Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
