Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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