That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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