Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
