today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
