Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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