first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
