I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize