I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
