for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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