Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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