Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sobbing to NWA
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
