I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
