I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
