If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this boner is exhausting
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I need a burrito and a hug.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
