i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
