2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
