I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
