Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
