I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
