it wasn't lemon gatorade
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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