I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
