I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
