so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
