Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize