Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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