I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
