she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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