get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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