I love black thongs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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