remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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