I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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