That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
