I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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