i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
